Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Tuesday/Wednesday Blog in Smaller Eco-Friendly Package

I forgot to blog Tuesday.  So sioux me.

I'm waiting for responses from Grad Schools.  I was in the middle of applying to Master of Architecture programs (M.Arch) when I got punched in the gut with a bag full of "laid off."  The timing was actually pretty fortuitous, because I was working 8-12 hours per day, then going home and spending another 6-8 hours working on my portfolio/applications/essays.  All of a sudden, I had time to work on my applications.

When applying to grad school, there was a ton of "ohmigodohmigodohmigod imnotgonnafinish!"  It was stressful, and a huge load was lifted from my shoulders when the last application was mailed just before Feb. 1.

I have now entered a whole new universe of anxiety, though, and that is the anxiety that attends WAITING for RESPONSES.  All of a sudden, it's like middle school again, trying to get into a new group of friends because you're tired of the boys throwing food at you during lunch, and you're worried about whether you're cool enough for the new group of friends, if they'll make fun of you behind your back, and all that.

Not that I have any experience with middle school social-climbing.

It is kind of a new experience for me, though.  I wasn't worried about "not getting in" when I applied to undergraduate school at UT-Arlington because there wasn't a shot in hell they were going to deny me entrance.  I didn't worry about starting internships and not fitting in because, as a summer intern, you're not expected to fit in, and I had some "big shot" acquaintances who insured I'd get internships.  I had firms competing for me when I graduated from college.

I've had a pretty easy career, free of rejection.  Even getting laid off was "nothing personal."  I made it through the first round of fat trimming, after all (before they started cutting off fingers and toes).

So this new fear of rejection, of not getting to go where I REALLY want to go, has me a little nervous.  Okay, a lot of nervous.  Occaisionally keeping me up at night, nervous.

Thank God for Tylenol PM + Benadryl.

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