Sunday, June 27, 2010

A Little Linnaean Lesson

What, Ms. Strained-consciousness, could an intern architect possibly teach us about the taxonomic system of Carolus Linnaeus?

That every member of the damned Class Insecta hates Ms. Strainedconsciousness and they are all bound and determined to attack me at the slightest provocation.

After a lovely evening of dinner and drinks with friends - some old, some newly minted around the dinner table - I returned home and crashed. I didn't even take off my makeup, I was that tired. This might have had something to do with the fact that I doubled up on carousing, this weekend, going out both Friday and Saturday evenings.

Sunday morning/afternoon, depending on which time zone you're in (in mine, it was afternoon), I woke up and dressed and was checking my email before going to get lunch, when my feet began to itch. I reached down, scratched my foot, and thought nothing of it.

Until the other foot began to itch.

My pet-free apartment has somehow acquired fleas.

I vacuum regularly. I don't hang out around animals all that often. And my apartment somehow has fleas.

Thus, I am convinced that there is a vast-Apterygota-Wing conspiracy amongst the members of Animalia-Arthropoda-Mandibulata-Hexapoda-Insecta. I believe that their network of spies has spread the information that I caused an all-out vendetta to be launched upon their Camponotus consobrinus cronies, and the flea-minions (aka Ctenocephalides canis) are acting on behalf of their sugar ant overlords.

But that's just my theory, and until the NISA (National Insect Security Association) gets back to me with confirmation or denial of insect-signal interception confirming or denying my suspicions, I won't know for certain.

I would recommend denying any and all knowledge of this conspiracy to any insects you may encounter in the future.

I wouldn't want to jeopardize your security because of your association with me.

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